In the spirt of last year's post Back to Work in the Public School, By the Numbers, I shall give an update one year later. And because I love data, I have calculated the percentage change over time. Nerd alert.
Number of Icebreakers: 0
This number is down 7000%. How did I do it? How did the ice get broken without me this year? How did I get away with no trust falls or snap cups? I'll tell you. I got married and changed my email and I missed the emails about the retreat. I would not recommend this strategy to others. I secretly missed the snap cup. And I just don't know if I can trust anyone on my school site to catch me if I fall off the auditorium stage wearing inappropriately high heeled shoes, like I did last year. (Yeah, no post-link to that, I was too embarrassed to write a post because I had just warned the 8th grade girls about high heeled shoe dangers.)
Number of Schools Assigned to Me: 2
Down 33%! TWO? Seriously? How is this possible? Most school psychologists have 3-5 schools. I cannot tell you my secret, or I fear I will get another school assigned to me.
Ratio of School Psychologist (Me!) to Students: 1:700
Less schools, more students. Go figure.
Number of Dead Rodents/Swarms* of Ants Discovered in Office: 0
100% decline. Hallelujah!
Number of Crying Children Consoled: 5**
This ratio is up because we have two new Kindergarten classes this year at one of my schools. It is a Spanish immersion program so there is NO ENGLISH at all in the classes. I want to spend every day in there to practice my Spanish, which is intermediate at best. I have imagined the following conversation between me and my principal:
P: We need to talk about how much time you're spending in the Kindergarten class
Me: But I'm learning so much! Today, we read a story about a frog and I learned how to say "jump!"
P: *Sigh* Yes, but I'm getting complaints that you are raising your hand in class and blurting out answers to the teacher's questions for the children.
Me: I just want to LEARN!!!
Perhaps I should enroll in some sort of class. But the Kindergarten pace is so perfect for me. I felt for the little ones who didn't speak any English. They kept saying to me, "Why are you talking in Spanish? I don't understand! I KNOW you speak English!" What gave it away? My Lithuanian-Irish tan?
Number of Quotes that Made Me Wish I Was a Kindergarten Teacher: 8539573489
This group of girls was sitting at a table drawing and I asked on of the girls, "Hablas Espanol?" She said, "I speak poquito Espanol" and her little friend got so excited and said, "Me too! I speak mosquito Espanol too!"
This one little guy was clearly exhausted at the end of the day, with all the lining up, following new rules, and all that drawing and singing and playing, and he said to me (In the forbidden English): "Dang. I wish the fire marshall would come and tell us there's too many kids up in this school so I could go home and take a NAP." Amen, brother. Kindergarten is exhausting, especially when you're trying to figure out what everyone is saying all day. But for the first time in a long time, I came home energized, not totally wiped out. Why? Because spending time in Kindergarten evokes all my fantasies of primary prevention of school failure.
(whips out soap box)
So much of our profession is build around the "wait to fail" model of service delivery, in which we must label children as "disabled" in order for them to receive special services. Not all kids who have learning problems have learning disabilities. But when special education is the only intervention, we school psychologists get to be the evil gatekeeper of what is perceived as the only way to help a kid learn to read.
(steps down).
Whoa. Where was I? Ah yes, cute attack. There was this one little girls who spent the first 45 minutes of class crying, and periodically weeped throughout the day, when she realized she was STILL THERE. She said not one word all day (and she spoke Spanish, so it wasn't that). At the end of the turned to me as she was leaving and looked up at me with her big brown doe eyes, hugged my leg, and said, "Hasta Manana."
To take a phrase from Mrs. Mimi, I DIE.
*Or is "swarm" only for bees? Nest of ants? Family? Pod? Hm. Either way, yea for sanitation!
**My new friend, Michaele has posted a faboo list for parents and teachers about How to help kids transition to Kindergarten
Monday, 31 August 2009
Tuesday, 25 August 2009
It Aint Easy Being Green
Every year, I get to be a mentor to a new school psychologist in my district. I really enjoy doing it, but I have to fight the urge to give them a little notebook and say, “Write that down” after everything I say. Wouldn't that be fun? I got to do it one time before in my life, the day before I got married and my sweet sweet friend, Leigh would write down all the last minute things we had to do before the big day. "I forgot to get a guest book! Write that down." It was so fun, but I suppose it’s a tad much for people who don't know my sense of humor yet. See also: "Get me coffee! Just kidding. Not really."
ANYHOO. After my first day back in the school district the other day, I came home and told my husband I got assigned my new mentee! He said, “You got assigned one of those underwater animals that are kind of like whales but almost extinct?” Not MANATEE, silly. Mentee. Husband is so precious.
So the next day my manatee and I were talking about all the fun that is my school district (Yes! You really do get to use a 1960s card catalog to find student folders! You’ll feel like a secretary in Mad Men! Isn’t that why you got your Ph.D.?), and she got quiet for a second and I thought I’d taken my sarcasm too far. I can do that from time to time. Then she said, “You know, I just realized that you are the one who writes that school psychology blog. Um, you’re not going to write about me on your blog are you?” Of course not, sweetie. Only I am.
But rest assured, I will not write about her, per se, but perhaps just some general tips for brand new school psychologists (and teachers!). So, here are my top three mantras for all the virtual manatees out there, starting out their first year. Repeat after me:
1) My work will still be there tomorrow. It will never be “done” because kids are never “done” learning. Don’t make yourself crazy by working so much overtime that you burn yourself out. I’m not saying don’t work hard and be one of those “my contract says I only have to work 7 hrs” people, but don’t kill yourself trying to do more than humanly possible.
2) I must free myself of “Why” if I want to work in a school district. Why do we still use card catalogs? Why do I have to log the same information in 6 different places? Why are we waiting for kids to fail enough to be eligible for special education? Young Jedi, you will make yourself crazy asking why we do all the ridiculous things we do in bureaucracies. The better question is, “What can I do to get around this dumb policy to really help the kid?”
3) Consult, Consult, Consult. And also: Consult. Knock Knock. Who’s there? Consult. Seriously. It’s not a sign of weakness to ask for help. Plus, people like to help. You like to help, right? Guess what? So do others. If you are thinking about a problem with a kid, parent, staff member, lesson, assessment, anything late at night, wondering what to do, that is your cue to consult with someone.
And in the interest of being green, I shall also recycle a few tips for new teachers and school psychologists. Recycling. So hot right now:
What to Post on Your Classroom Walls to Support Positive Behavior
Checklist for New Teachers
Making Positive Reinforcement Your Best Friend
Dealing with Oppositional Kids
How I Survived my First Year as a School Psychologist
Wow. Saving the manatees and recycling all in one post. Perhaps this post was brought to you courtesy of my training at Berkeley. Now it’s your turn, people—any tips you wish someone had told you in your first year teaching or school psychologizing*?
*New verb. Just decided. Write that down, young manatee.
ANYHOO. After my first day back in the school district the other day, I came home and told my husband I got assigned my new mentee! He said, “You got assigned one of those underwater animals that are kind of like whales but almost extinct?” Not MANATEE, silly. Mentee. Husband is so precious.
So the next day my manatee and I were talking about all the fun that is my school district (Yes! You really do get to use a 1960s card catalog to find student folders! You’ll feel like a secretary in Mad Men! Isn’t that why you got your Ph.D.?), and she got quiet for a second and I thought I’d taken my sarcasm too far. I can do that from time to time. Then she said, “You know, I just realized that you are the one who writes that school psychology blog. Um, you’re not going to write about me on your blog are you?” Of course not, sweetie. Only I am.
But rest assured, I will not write about her, per se, but perhaps just some general tips for brand new school psychologists (and teachers!). So, here are my top three mantras for all the virtual manatees out there, starting out their first year. Repeat after me:
1) My work will still be there tomorrow. It will never be “done” because kids are never “done” learning. Don’t make yourself crazy by working so much overtime that you burn yourself out. I’m not saying don’t work hard and be one of those “my contract says I only have to work 7 hrs” people, but don’t kill yourself trying to do more than humanly possible.
2) I must free myself of “Why” if I want to work in a school district. Why do we still use card catalogs? Why do I have to log the same information in 6 different places? Why are we waiting for kids to fail enough to be eligible for special education? Young Jedi, you will make yourself crazy asking why we do all the ridiculous things we do in bureaucracies. The better question is, “What can I do to get around this dumb policy to really help the kid?”
3) Consult, Consult, Consult. And also: Consult. Knock Knock. Who’s there? Consult. Seriously. It’s not a sign of weakness to ask for help. Plus, people like to help. You like to help, right? Guess what? So do others. If you are thinking about a problem with a kid, parent, staff member, lesson, assessment, anything late at night, wondering what to do, that is your cue to consult with someone.
And in the interest of being green, I shall also recycle a few tips for new teachers and school psychologists. Recycling. So hot right now:
What to Post on Your Classroom Walls to Support Positive Behavior
Checklist for New Teachers
Making Positive Reinforcement Your Best Friend
Dealing with Oppositional Kids
How I Survived my First Year as a School Psychologist
Wow. Saving the manatees and recycling all in one post. Perhaps this post was brought to you courtesy of my training at Berkeley. Now it’s your turn, people—any tips you wish someone had told you in your first year teaching or school psychologizing*?
*New verb. Just decided. Write that down, young manatee.
Tuesday, 18 August 2009
Can I Get a What What for My Internet Best Friend?
I have a secret Internet best friend. It may be a bit premature, but I have ordered the “Best Friends” heart necklace, in which one of us gets half of the heart saying “Be Fri” and the other gets the half that says “st ends.” No need to alert my husband of my inappropriate Internet relationship, it’s strictly work-related. I am talking about my good friend, Mrs. Mimi, teacher and author of the blog, Its Not All Flowers and Sausages (linky thing not working: here it is: www.itsnotallflowersandsausages.blogspot.com)
Not only is she fabulous, but she has just written a book about her adventures in teaching 2nd grade that made me miss not one, but TWO train stops when I was reading it on my morning commute. I give it a TWO MISSED STOP rating*. My highest yet. Let’s put it this way, I only missed ONE stop in reading my favorite book of all time, Jane Eyre. So basically, it’s better than a classic, at least if you are an educator. It captures all the delicious nonsense in schools that I so enjoy writing about on this blog, mixed in with tales of the joys of working with such wonderful little friends every day in schools.
And just to show off how we are BFFs, the book, entitled "It's Not All Flowers and Sausages: My Adventures in 2nd Grade" hasn’t even come out yet….nerdy me got an advanced copy through a twitter contest. I swear, I’m not stalking this woman. We just share a similar love of writing about finding the lighter side of working in the public schools.
You can get your copy now on preorder, and it comes out September 1st—just in time for a good laugh as you return to school. It’s available here at Amazon.com.
Just be prepared to miss your train stop or embarrass yourself laughing out loud.
*Incidentally, I could also give it a 47 laugh-out-loud-and-have-commuters-stare-at-you rating, if you prefer.
Not only is she fabulous, but she has just written a book about her adventures in teaching 2nd grade that made me miss not one, but TWO train stops when I was reading it on my morning commute. I give it a TWO MISSED STOP rating*. My highest yet. Let’s put it this way, I only missed ONE stop in reading my favorite book of all time, Jane Eyre. So basically, it’s better than a classic, at least if you are an educator. It captures all the delicious nonsense in schools that I so enjoy writing about on this blog, mixed in with tales of the joys of working with such wonderful little friends every day in schools.
And just to show off how we are BFFs, the book, entitled "It's Not All Flowers and Sausages: My Adventures in 2nd Grade" hasn’t even come out yet….nerdy me got an advanced copy through a twitter contest. I swear, I’m not stalking this woman. We just share a similar love of writing about finding the lighter side of working in the public schools.
You can get your copy now on preorder, and it comes out September 1st—just in time for a good laugh as you return to school. It’s available here at Amazon.com.
Just be prepared to miss your train stop or embarrass yourself laughing out loud.
*Incidentally, I could also give it a 47 laugh-out-loud-and-have-commuters-stare-at-you rating, if you prefer.
Monday, 17 August 2009
Must. Write. About. Kittens.
As promised, this post involves kittens.
Okay, so it’s T-minus 2 days and counting until I return to work in the public school. I am one of those people who has always been in school, or been working in a school, so my new year always starts in August. I buy the August to August calendars, and think of the beginning of school as a good time to make New Year’s Resolutions.
1) As per last post, I am vowing to Be Positive! in the face of dysfunction. This year, I will put the “fun” in dysfunction! For those who have been following my Facebook Fan Page, I have been trying to keep things light in fighting a Bureaucracy Monster, who requests me to do such tasks as going back into time to get a tuberculosis shot. I will not let The System keep me down.
2) I vow to keep my office décor fun and friendly, yet making it clear that I work in an inspirational animal poster-free environment.*
Ah….why are you so friggin’ CUTE little kitten? This one will be difficult.
3) I vow to try and be less sarcastic when confronted with bureaucratic nonsense that keeps me from working with students. I’m told sarcasm is rooted in anger, and is a sublimation of aggression. Well then. Isn’t that great. I guess then, that I just love all the paperwork involved in working in special education. What? My resolution doesn’t start until Wednesday. Just had to get it out of my system. *Sigh* I guess this means I can’t use this poster to decorate my office this year, as it would be a double-violation (animal poster and sarcasm):
4) I vow to keep my blog up to date. But if I disappear for a while, know that I am holding onto a branch somewhere, looking cute and hanging in there.
* Also, hoping to start this school year in a dead animal in office-free environment.
Okay, so it’s T-minus 2 days and counting until I return to work in the public school. I am one of those people who has always been in school, or been working in a school, so my new year always starts in August. I buy the August to August calendars, and think of the beginning of school as a good time to make New Year’s Resolutions.
1) As per last post, I am vowing to Be Positive! in the face of dysfunction. This year, I will put the “fun” in dysfunction! For those who have been following my Facebook Fan Page, I have been trying to keep things light in fighting a Bureaucracy Monster, who requests me to do such tasks as going back into time to get a tuberculosis shot. I will not let The System keep me down.
2) I vow to keep my office décor fun and friendly, yet making it clear that I work in an inspirational animal poster-free environment.*
Ah….why are you so friggin’ CUTE little kitten? This one will be difficult.
3) I vow to try and be less sarcastic when confronted with bureaucratic nonsense that keeps me from working with students. I’m told sarcasm is rooted in anger, and is a sublimation of aggression. Well then. Isn’t that great. I guess then, that I just love all the paperwork involved in working in special education. What? My resolution doesn’t start until Wednesday. Just had to get it out of my system. *Sigh* I guess this means I can’t use this poster to decorate my office this year, as it would be a double-violation (animal poster and sarcasm):
4) I vow to keep my blog up to date. But if I disappear for a while, know that I am holding onto a branch somewhere, looking cute and hanging in there.
* Also, hoping to start this school year in a dead animal in office-free environment.
Thursday, 6 August 2009
If My Name is in the Email Subject Heading, I am Dead
I got my first email about returning to one of the school districts where I work as a school psychologist yesterday. Seriously, it’s August already? How did that happen?
I am always mixed about going back to school. I will miss being a “lady who lunches” in the summer (though that’s a myth, I still work all summer, just not in the schools). But I love the back to school shopping and the freshly sharpened pencils and the decorating of my janiors closet office. I usually choose a solid color for the walls, with a classy border, and refrain from all posters involving eagles or kittens or other animal-motivation. I just don’t think kids are gonna come in the office with their troubles fixed by inspirational quotes about soaring above things or “hanging in there!”
Anyhoo, where was I going with this? Ah yes, the email.
I got kind of excited about going back and seeing my colleagues, and I was inspired to check my district email. Turns out, I was apparently on a one-woman district email-strike from April to June, because there were a zillion emails I hadn’t seen yet. Some were marked urgent, but apparently were not. This might be a good time management strategy—if you don’t check your email, the urgent emails go away and people figure out their urgent problem on their own! I assume anything truly urgent would involve a phone call.
As I scanned the emails, there was one district employee who I can only assume is the PR voice of the district who had a lot to say. As I clicked through the emails, I saw a theme. The news about our district wasn’t so great. Budget cuts. Pending layoffs. How to get legal representation for our impending budget cuts and pending layoffs. Shooting of a student. And every once in a while, a teacher had died and their memorial service was advertised. WOW. Is that all the news we have in our district? Depressing.
Surely there is some good news about our district?! I know at my school, there are many wonderful things being done for kids. But I guess like the regular news, it’s all bad news all the time? And then at the end of the news, there’s a story about a crazy cat lady trying to get people to adopt kittens or something and we’re supposed to be like, “OH, everything is fine now that I saw that 2 second human interest feature.”*
So I guess that’s part of why I write this blog. I am striving to be that crazy cat lady, trying to sell the idea that it’s not all so bad! Right. So my New School Year’s Resolution is to post more positive stories. I know, the next-stop-dysfunction-junction posts are always a sure hit, and you know I can’t let go of ones like this and this and this.
But I will promise you this: my next post WILL have a kitten in it.
*True story. After an hour of reporting on the Columbine high school shooting, my local news anchor actually used the phrase, “On a lighter note, we turn to Glenda with a story about a man who taught his cat to ride his bicycle!” Super! The cat and the man are riding out rest of their lives together. I feel great now!
I am always mixed about going back to school. I will miss being a “lady who lunches” in the summer (though that’s a myth, I still work all summer, just not in the schools). But I love the back to school shopping and the freshly sharpened pencils and the decorating of my janiors closet office. I usually choose a solid color for the walls, with a classy border, and refrain from all posters involving eagles or kittens or other animal-motivation. I just don’t think kids are gonna come in the office with their troubles fixed by inspirational quotes about soaring above things or “hanging in there!”
Anyhoo, where was I going with this? Ah yes, the email.
I got kind of excited about going back and seeing my colleagues, and I was inspired to check my district email. Turns out, I was apparently on a one-woman district email-strike from April to June, because there were a zillion emails I hadn’t seen yet. Some were marked urgent, but apparently were not. This might be a good time management strategy—if you don’t check your email, the urgent emails go away and people figure out their urgent problem on their own! I assume anything truly urgent would involve a phone call.
As I scanned the emails, there was one district employee who I can only assume is the PR voice of the district who had a lot to say. As I clicked through the emails, I saw a theme. The news about our district wasn’t so great. Budget cuts. Pending layoffs. How to get legal representation for our impending budget cuts and pending layoffs. Shooting of a student. And every once in a while, a teacher had died and their memorial service was advertised. WOW. Is that all the news we have in our district? Depressing.
Surely there is some good news about our district?! I know at my school, there are many wonderful things being done for kids. But I guess like the regular news, it’s all bad news all the time? And then at the end of the news, there’s a story about a crazy cat lady trying to get people to adopt kittens or something and we’re supposed to be like, “OH, everything is fine now that I saw that 2 second human interest feature.”*
So I guess that’s part of why I write this blog. I am striving to be that crazy cat lady, trying to sell the idea that it’s not all so bad! Right. So my New School Year’s Resolution is to post more positive stories. I know, the next-stop-dysfunction-junction posts are always a sure hit, and you know I can’t let go of ones like this and this and this.
But I will promise you this: my next post WILL have a kitten in it.
*True story. After an hour of reporting on the Columbine high school shooting, my local news anchor actually used the phrase, “On a lighter note, we turn to Glenda with a story about a man who taught his cat to ride his bicycle!” Super! The cat and the man are riding out rest of their lives together. I feel great now!
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