You Got Served.

I used to have a math phobia that continued to produce math anxiety dreams well into my 20s. Phobia is a strong word. I’d say more of a strong indifference coupled with a side of “when am I EVER going to have to use this crap?” In elementary school, I dreaded the math lessons where you were supposed to patiently use the math manipulatives to solve problems, like finding square root with beads and stuff. Once I found a calculator, I pressed that square root button to get the answer and never looked back.

In high school, my dad tried to help me with higher math. Much to my father’s dismay, I didn’t get along well with math, even though I was pretty good at it. As an engineer, my dad loves numbers and math and problem solving and whatnot. He tried to convince me that the process of math was fun (as I was in tears, shredding up my homework in frustration.) I insisted that the answer, not the process, was the fun part. I may or may not have screamed, "I don't care HOW you get the answer, just give me the answers!" His little engineer heart probably broke into 6 equal pieces (1/6ths).

My math teacher in college tried to “sell” math to me by turning my complaints into a snazzy “equation” he liked to call “Confusion minus frustration equals inquiry!” He even made me write a stupid essay on it. I didn’t do so well, because I wrote how the equation was not pertinent to me because I had more frustration than confusion, thus I had negative inquiry. Ha! He got served by my English writing skills! In return, I got served my only C in college (nerd alert).*

Anyhoo, recently I have been writing curriculum for new special education teachers on how to teach the core academic areas to students with disabilities. I was en fuego on the sessions on reading, writing, and oral language. When I got to the part where I had to write three professional development sessions on math for students with special needs, I tried to quit the project. Then, they gave me a raise. I calculated how much of my credit card I could pay off with it and stuck it out. I got served by math, once again.

Around the same time, I started working with a high school student with a math disability (dyscalcula) whose hatred for math made me look like Euclid’s lover. We started with the basics. How can you hate the basic math facts? It took two weeks to convince this kid to even attempt simple problems. We rated her anxiety on a scale of 1-10 when the math was simply in the room with us, and it was always a 9 or 10. There was no way we were going to improve her math skills without working on the anxiety piece of the equation first (pun intended). I asked her to verbalize all her thoughts and beliefs about math as she did the problems (e.g. “when am I EVER going to have to use this crap?” “I should be able to do these easy ones” “I hate math” “I’m going to get all these wrong etc etc). As I looked at high school mini-me, I realized that both she and I needed to reframe our thoughts about math. And girlie needed some confidence in her basic skills.

After a few weeks, the girl could finally bear to practice basic skills with me. We had to use metaphor to get her to not think she was doing “dummy math.” She was a skateboarder, and I told her that in math and skateboarding, she had to practice her basic moves before moving on to other tricks. And like any activity, you have to feel confident in the basics first. You can't do a flip trick without learning the ollie first (skateboarders--right? I was on the spot). We talked about how her learning disability made the basic facts more difficult and she was going to have to practice more than other students. She started attempting math, but then her negative beliefs were getting in the way.

After finishing a page of mixed basic facts:

Girl: I probably got most of them all wrong.
Me: Would you be willing to see if that’s true?
Girl: I guess.
Me: (counting items correct) one..two..three…well it looks like you got 19 out of 25 which is about 2/3 correct. So is it true that you got most of them wrong?
Girl: No...Dang! I got served!
Me: Yes, AND by MATH nonetheless.
Girl: That totally sucks.
Me: I know. I’ve been there.

We ended up laughing about it, and she continues to work with me. As I try to “sell” math to her each week, I hope that on some level, I not only help her through high school, but prevent her from having math anxiety nightmares in her 20s. And when I finish writing these math sessions of my curriculum project, I promise to post how to help students with math disabilities. Until then, your suggestions and resources are most welcome!

*79.89%. He wouldn’t round up. I got served by math.

Kittens, Sheep, and Wolves. Oh My.

As many of you who follow me on Facey Face know, I have been that poor kitten holding onto the branch. I have been swamped with my spring Testival and IEPooloza, in which I test kids for learning disabilities and hold Individual Education Plans (IEPs) to chart their course. Well, well, well, look at me now!



Only I’m not really sleeping because I know that round 2 is about to begin. This is the round of testing that happens right around spring break….

Dun. Dun Dun.

ED Testing. ED stands for “Emotional Disturbance” and it is one of the categories of disability in special education law. It is basically reserved for a small group of students who are exhibiting such severe emotional and behavioral problems that they cannot be taught in a general education setting. That being said, it is a very popular assessment because there are many students who by springtime, have worn out their teachers with their shenanigans, or many of the attempted interventions have not been sufficient.

To illustrate: I used to work at a school I called Haides Middle School, in which many of the students had emotional and behavioral challenges. Students threatened teachers, weapons were on campus frequently, and it was not uncommon for windows, doors, and walls to be punched. At times, fecal matter was left as a "present" for the Principal, and my vocabulary of offensive things one could say to others exploded (in several languages.) Now one might call this whole school ED, but it was not supposed to be. In fact, there was a group of students who were learning, but I never got to see them. Weird.

Anyhoo, the types of behavior I saw at this school were systemic because of the school’s location and demographic, and sadly poor leadership by administration, but the only intervention in town was special education. So I got ED referral after ED referral. These are pretty intensive assessments, so I was never the kitten on top of the paper at this school. My task was to figure out if the problem lied with the student (if he or she was emotionally disturbed enough to be “disabled”) or if the problem was circumstantial. I mean, I might be depressed and anxious and not able to focus on my work if I saw my dad murder my mom. I also might be acting out if I had chronic PTSD from witnessing violence in my community. Would I be “disabled?”

This is the job of the school psychologist—to sort through all the data, observations, history, observer reports, and individual assessment with the student to determine if the child is eligible as a student with an Emotional Disturbance. Yes, our job is to see if a student is disturbed enough to be disabled. It sounds crazy when you type it out. To complicate, there are a series of rule-outs and conditions that quite frankly, get second prize to the dumbest special education criteria (1st prize? I’m looking at you “significant discrepancy”).

For example, you must show that the unusual behavior is not a straight up behavior disorder (e.g. Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Conduct Disorder), but it comes from an emotional disturbance (e.g. depression, anxiety, psychosis). So, in essence you have to show that the kid isn’t just choosing to climb up a flagpole and wield a knife on his own free will, but it comes from an emotional place. (Um, how do you assess that?)

For me, I have framed it in a different way. I think it’s almost impossible to prove where unusual behavior is coming from, so I just focus on assessing for depression, anxiety, or psychosis first and worry about the explanation of the behavior later. I also look at what is the main reason the kid isn’t learning. If the child has cognitive limitations, that might be a better explanation for why the kid is not being able to manage emotions. As I write this, it just gets more and more complex. Each case is so unique, and you have to look at all the angles at once. There are few straightforward ED assessments. In general, I find it best to think of a few different types of students referred for ED.

Now I have compared kids (and husbands) to animals before, so here you go. I just love me a good metaphor. I know it’s oversimplifying, but blog posts aren’t supposed to be 8 hojillion pages long, I’m told.

Types of Students Referred for “Emotional Disturbance” Assessments

1) Sheep. These students are a slam-dunk when it comes to assessment, because their emotional disturbance is fairly obvious. These are vulnerable students who have crippling anxiety that keeps them from coming to school, deep depression that keeps them from being able to complete work, or psychosis that interferes with daily functioning. These students often have suicidal or homicidal ideation and have histories of hospitalization. Despite years of counseling and intervention support, they continue to be highly vulnerable and cannot manage a typical school environment. You could also call them “internalizing” students, meaning the manifestation of the disturbance is inward.

2) Wolves. These students tend to be highly disruptive and kinda predatory. I know, I know, wolves are shy in the wild and only prey on others for food or if frightened, but let’s pretend for a moment that wolves are aggressive. And pretend that they argue with teachers, break the rules just to see what will happen, defy authority, and generally run with packs of other similar students.* These students are also suffering, in their own way, since they likely have a high need for control, have poor role models, and in general have difficulties with true relationships that aren’t manipulative. They are charmers and you can show them a video of themselves tagging the school wall and they will still stay it wasn’t them. You could call this group “externalizing” students, meaning the manifestation of their school problems is acting out. This group, in the absence of an underlying emotional problem (anxiety, depression, psychosis) is typically not eligible for special education services under “Emotional Disturbance.” But they still need help to break the coercive and aggressive pattern of interacting with others so they can succeed in school.

3) Sheep in Wolves Clothing I would say these students represent the majority of my ED referrals and are the most difficult to assess. These are students who pretend to be super tough and act out, but when you get them one-on-one for assessment, you find a deep emotional problem that is likely causing them to act the way they are. These students have both internalizing and externalizing problems. In these cases, you have to also look at eligibility from a response to intervention perspective. Are they acting out because they had a recent emotional trauma? Then, it would not be “abnormal” or “pervasive” to say a child is disabled because they are acting out. It’s circumstantial. If there were few signs of problems prior to the trauma, then it’s probably not ED. Are they acting out because they have never had counseling or behavioral interventions? Then you can’t show that they need special education to be successful because you haven’t tried anything yet in the general education setting (suspending a kid doesn’t count as an intervention). I also feel for the Sheep in Wolves Clothing because they too need intervention and they may or may not qualify for services with the way the law is written.

The length of the post shows the complexity of assessment for ED. Part of me feels like rather than trying to sort out if a kid is “disabled enough” to qualify for special education, I should spend that time doing actual interventions. Whether kids be Sheep, Wolves, or Sheep in Wolves clothing, they still need psychological help, and the families and teachers need support.

To close, the other day, I saw a student at my school rip up and throw away a referral he got in the teacher’s face, screaming “MERRY CHRISTMAS!” To her credit, I’m sure she wanted to throw it back and say “HAPPY NEW YEAR! You’re suspended!” but she was calm and professional and redirected him to my office. If you don’t see blog posts for a while, you know why. It’s that time of year.

*How to deal with these students? Here you go, a video demonstration

March Madness Comes Early This Year

Ha Ha! All you basketball sports fans who googled “March Madness” got to my blog about how grade retention and social promotion decisions have come early this year in my school. Fooled you! Sorry, I get my entertainment where I can.

Every March, I get a slew of new referrals for testing students for learning disabilities, ADHD, and other disabilities, as the sheer panic of “What is going to happen to this student in X+1 grade???” (Where X is the child’s current grade, plus one. See? Algebra is useful after all.) I hear parents and teachers wonder out loud how the kid who is not meeting grade standards is going to make it next year. I hear murmurs in the teacher’s lounge about retention. And I cringe.

I don’t mind the referrals for testing.* As a parent or teacher, I would want to know if the student had a learning disability before I made a big decision about retention or promotion. No, I don’t cringe because of the 8 hojillion referrals I will be getting. I cringe because Over 100 years of research does not support retention as an effective intervention for kids who are not learning, missed a lot of school, or are socially immature. That’s right, I said it, and I italicized it too. The research does not support retention.

Before you write me with your anecdotal evidence saying it worked for so-and-so, I have to prefend (pre-defend? New word?) my position on the matter. Ironically, I will also cite my own anecdotal evidence. I’m above the law. But I will also cite the National Association of School Psychologist’s position statement on the resarch as my source as well.**

1) Social promotion without any other intervention is not effective either. I never subscribe to the “Let’s do the same thing that didn’t work twice!” model. The research shows that “promotion plus” (i.e. Combining grade promotion and effective evidence-based interventions) is more likely than retention to benefit children with low achievement or behavior problems.

2) Initial academic improvements may occur during the year the student is retained. There is celebration and validation of the retention. We made the right decision! However, many research studies show that achievement gains decline within 2-3 years of retention. This means that kids who are retained do not end up doing better than similar children who were not retained, but were experiencing similar academic problems.

3) In adolescence, retained students are more likely to experience behavioral and self-esteem problems, and are 5-10 times more likely to drop out of school. I get to see the long-term effects of retention, and it is not pretty. Retention is one of the most powerful predictors of high school drop out. Plus, anecdotally, I am working with a student who is in 8th grade and is ALMOST 16 YEARS OLD. He was retained twice and now can almost drive himself to middle school. Seriously. It’s not right. He is not doing well.

4) A study of 6th graders’ perceptions indicated that they consider retention as one of the most stressful life events. I have consoled many a crying student on the first day of school when they are told they are still in the same grade as last year. It’s devastating.

5) Retention may help students who have missed many days of school, but only if their attendance improves and if the child will not be considerably older than the other students.

The take home message is: At this time, however, there are no specific indicators that predict which children could benefit from retention. So yes, maybe a few kids here and there could benefit, but by and large, we don't know which ones, and the research is pretty clear that overall, retention doesn't work and it may be harmful in the long run.

Not convinced yet? Throw some counter research my way. I’ll read it. It might be in June, because I'm in the middle of a Testival (festival of testing) right now. But I will read it.

I should also note that I am equally adamant about not retaining students with IEPs (students with disabilities). Why? Because the whole reason they are behind grade level is because of their disability, and there is a 8 hojillion page plan on how to support them in the next grade. Special educators help the kid access whatever grade level curriculum they are doing in the general education environment anyway. If the student is making progress toward their IEP goals, then I don’t think they should be retained. Plus, did I mention one hundred years of research doesn’t support it? I think I did…

I'm a bit feisty tonight, as you may be able to tell. I just want parents and educators to have the research in their minds as they come to March Madness decisions. I get it. I am in the same meetings you are in, where you just can't imagine how a kid is going to make it in X+1 grade. Especially for the students with really poor attendance. It's really hard to come up with a promotion plus plan, I know. But that's what our job as school psychologists is--to inform, educate, and roll up our sleeves to help figure out what to do for these struggling students.

*Okay, I mind a little bit, only because they all come at once. But I've finally just accepted the cyclical nature of these things.
**Grade Retention and Promotion: Information for Parents. By Shane Jimerson, Ph.D., Sarah M. Woehr, & Amber M. Kaufman, M.A. University of California, Santa Barbara. Available on the NASP Website.

No Child Left a Dime: A Call to Action!

Hello friends...I have some exciting news. No, I'm not going on maternity leave. You people are just like the bridal registry peeps at Pottery Barn. When I returned a duplicate gift one month after my wedding, the girl winked and said, "You know you can always use your credit at Pottery Barn KIDS..." Relax, lady.

Before I present my exciting news (no scrolling down to the bold print yet!) I want to give you all a mini-diatribe on my pet peeve of people trying to pass crappy "interventions" as the real deal in an under-resourced school.

Imagine for a moment that you are the parent, teacher, or school psychologist of a child who is struggling in school (probably not hard to imagine, right? I mean, why else would you read this blog? For my fashion tips? ). You have tried all traditional techniques. Teams of people have met and determine the child needs intervention, most likely one-on-one assistance in the area of difficulty. Then, when you get to the “action items” and “who is responsible” part of your plan, there are crickets. Yep, that’s right, schools are wonderful at early detection of difficulties, but without resources for interventions, the next step is often a special education referral, because it’s the only intervention in town. Not all kids with academic and behavioral problems are disabled! We do our kids a real disservice when we don’t provide help and then call them “disabled.”

The main vehicle for trying to prevent student failure is the Student Study Team (SST). For those who don’t know, SSTs are basically elaborate parent-teacher conferences with support staff and the student, where the team problem solves how to help a struggling student. SSTs have a number of different names depending on your school (e.g. Care Team, Student Assistance Program). In anticipation of this post, I have been collecting ridiculous “interventions” that are documented on student study team notes, in order to highlight the joke that is pre-referral “interventions”:

“Carla’s mom will peek in the classroom to see if she is working.” Ah yes, the research-based peeking intervention.

“Mr. J will not touch Eddie’s head because he doesn’t like it.” That’s a sure-fire way to address sensory sensitivities!

And my favorite, “Mateo will do his homework.” WHAT? Why didn’t we think of this sooner? If only we had told Mateo to do his homework!

I have long lamented on the problems with how special education is often set up as a “wait to fail” model, the perils of trying to squeeze in unfunded “research based interventions” for kids who need academic and behavioral interventions, and my feeble attempts at bringing Response to Intervention (RtI) to my school sites. Boo hoo, right? Debbie Downer guest posts again?

Not this time! I’m fired up. Maybe it’s because I had full-caf coffee today instead of my usual half-decaf nonsense, but I’m ready to quit complaining and do something about the disgusting inequity between schools in the very same district.* I mean, at “Stepford Elementary School,” my SST meetings are full of interventions. Why? Because the PTA raises so much money, they can hire intervention specialists, reading coaches, and afterschool services for struggling students. If the PTA can’t afford it, the parents kick in their support. They have a “whatever it takes!” kind of mentality that is contagious (and expensive). When I come to my other school sites in the poorer part of town, we unfortunately don’t have a PTA that can sponsor interventions, so kids get a “whatever we got!” kind of intervention.

So here’s your chance to get involved! For all you newbies applying to grad school, or community members who want to make a difference, I am excited to announce that:

I am starting an Internship Program in my school district!

If you live in the San Francisco Bay Area and have 4-5 hours a week of free time to volunteer, I am starting a volunteer training program for aspiring school psychologists, aspiring teachers, and those who just want to get involved in the name of social justice. Come volunteer and see if school psychology is right for you (before you fork over thousands of dollars in grad school!
)
Starting in March 2010, I will be training volunteers to work individually with students on academic, behavioral, and social difficulties. Think of your role as a coach or mentor, but you are armed with research-based interventions! We will have a training and journal club every week to learn about theories of learning, and check in once a week as a group to improve our intervention skills and learn from each other. And there will be data collection! I love data collection! We can actually see if our interventions are working! You will do far more than peek in a classroom or tell a kid to do his or her homework. You will be able to guide the students so they experience success and build academic skills and self-confidence. You will learn how to partner with teachers and families. And you get to hear my sarcasm LIVE (deterrent or incentive? It's unclear).

Doesn’t that sound fabulous, people? If you are interested in joining my platoon of volunteers (armed with weapons of mass instruction!), I am hosting an information meeting on February 8th, 2010 at 4pm at my school site. Send me an email at rebecca@studentsgrow.com to get the address and more information. I do this to protect the identity of my schools as much as possible, so I can continue sharing stories about the yoots. When you email me, share with me a bit about yourself, your goals, and your areas of interest (e.g. reading, math, writing, study skills, behavior plans, ADHD symptoms, social skills, Learning Disabilities, second language acquisition). I will be looking for a few interns in each academic area.

For those of you not in the San Francisco Bay Area, I’m looking at YOU for helping me find good Response to Intervention resources. Everybody can participate! I love Chevron Coffee with Techron! Now I need the energy of volunteers to keep me going strong throughout the school year!**

Jerry Springer final thought: I will also walk each of you through the Bureaucracy Monster of getting approved to be a school volunteer in my district. It involves fingerprinting, applications, and Tuberculosis (TB) screening. Who is with me???

*I’m so fired up, I fear that in getting my coffee at Chevron gas station this morning, I may have accidently gotten Coffee with Techron or something….

**My English teacher friend, Beth, will be mortified by the over-use of exclamation points in this post. She once told me I was only allowed to use one per year, so she really knew I was exclaiming something. I got a little excited today!

The Non-Glamorous Side of School Psychology

You know what is not interesting about being a school psychologist? Writing up psychoeducational reports. Sure, at first it was exciting, trying to figure out new and exciting ways to explain results from the Differential Abilities Scale, but now, not so much. And you know what I never write about on my blog? The boring stuff (you're welcome). There are some parts of my job that make me want to poke my eyes out (thanks, Mrs. Mimi, for that phrase!) Writing reports and filling out paperwork are in that category, and it is a huge part of my job.

Sorry to break the news to all the eager people who email me asking if school psychology is the right career for them, but it’s not all warm fuzzies. And contrary to my headshot photo, I do not typically stand in front of school busses with perfectly coiffed glamorous hair. If you picture yourself in warm, fuzzy, cable knit sweater that makes students feel comfortable in your presence, safe to share, as you sip on your green tea in your cozy office with one of those squeezy balls, let me paint you another picture.*

Every time I come to my office, it is pitch black in the hallway so I can’t find the keyhole, and there are new piles of stuff/unidentified liquids or food/fresh graffiti in front of the door. It’s typically a degree in there and I spend the first few minutes of my day orchestrating an elaborate tripwire heater situation because there is no electrical outlet. I plan to do a photo collage for my Facebook Fan page at the end of the school year. The series will be entitled, “Crap In Front of My Janitor's Closet..oops...Office.”

I have digressed. My point is that like in any job, there are pros and cons. There are also going to be undesireable tasks in every job. I tried so very hard to change my job description in my previous school district so I could do more than write reports, but the Bureaucracy Monster was too big for me to fight. Instead of quitting, my mantra ended up being, “Free Yourself of Why” (as in: “Why do I have to log the same information in 5 places?” “Why do I have to test a student with a 4.0 grade average?” “Why is my caseload so high?” “Why are you giving me another school to serve when I am already drowning?” “Why did I get a Ph.D. to sit in an elevator shaft in San Francisco when I will surely die if there is any seismic activity?”)

Free yourself of “Why” in a large urban school district or you will go clinically insane. I finally changed my attitude (and districts) and I am so much happier. My new strategy is to be super efficient at the low desirability tasks to get to do the high desirability tasks** So after 9 years of working as a school psychologist in the San Francisco Bay area, I have finally worked out a few tricks to getting reports done faster without sacrificing quality. These tips come from the girl who loves a good multitasking solution. I dry my hair in the morning with my car heater on blast, saving ones of minutes each morning. I double-down on New Years Resolutions (do more cardio and learn more Spanish) by listening to Spanish podcasts on the elliptical. I hope a few work for you, and I hope that you can all contribute more to share with other readers. Teachers, feel free to chime in some time-saving strategies for paperwork—I know you have mounds of paperwork too.

1) After you assess a child, the second that kid is back in class, take 10 minutes to write up your testing observations. Sure, you jotted down some notes on the protocol, but trust me, you will forget the nuances when you go to write it up 3 weeks from now. Every time I do this, I save myself time going back through the protocol and looking through notes and trying to remember, “was this the kid who rushed through stuff or took forever?”

2) Attend pre-referral meetings (e.g. Student Study Teams, Parent-Teacher Conferences, support staff meetings) if you can and have with you copies of developmental histories and behavior rating scales in every language possible. When the conversation inevitably turns to whether or not a psychoeducational assessment is needed, whip out those papers and give them to the parents right there to fill out and bring to your next meeting. Tell them this is the first step in getting more information for the assessment to guide the process toward their concerns/questions. I know, it’s ideal to sit with them and do it together, but if it is a pretty straightforward case/family dynamic, you can have them get started on remembering when the kid spoke his first sentence or learned to ride a bike.

3) Get really good at scoring stuff up while the kid works on other subtests. I usually have most of the cognitive assessment scored up by the time the kid is finishing up with the last subtest. This is a natural process that will occur after giving the same test over and over again. And over…and over….

4) Spend some time really working on your templates so that you have a good structure to work from. Borrow other colleagues’ templates and take the best parts from each one. Write all your recommendations into the template and then delete the ones that do not apply to the student you assessed at the end. Add new ones that occur to you that are particular to that student and add it to your master list. Also, in your template, use “Xx” as the child’s name and then when you find and replace “Xx” for the name, it will have proper capitalization.***

5) Write up background history before testing the kid. You will thank yourself later when you are all done with testing and don’t have to go back and do that part. Also, it guides your selection of assessments. When I first started, one time I didn’t look carefully at the kid’s English language testing scores and did the whole assessment before realizing it should have been a bilingual assessment. So mad at myself (for not looking, and also for not being bilingual. Hence, the podcasts).

As I am wrapping up this post, I realize that this post is kind of boring. I may or may not have just fallen asleep for a second at my own post. But welcome to the world of report writing. It doesn’t give you that same warm fuzzy feeling as working with a kid who has a breakthrough, helping a parent or teacher really understand how the student learns best, or hanging around in your frumpy second sister wife sweater, waiting to transform the lives of the yoots. But reports have their own value when done well. And when you’re done, you can get back to the “fun and glamorous" part.

*I do have this scenario in my private practice office twice a week. It’s lovely. Also, I appreciate having an office at all at my school sites. I used to have to carry around 40 lbs of testing materials, my purse, and my lunch wherever I went and begged people for testing space. I tested a student in an elevator shaft once. Klassy.
**Sound familiar, class? Anyone? Anyone? Premack Principle.
***A note about templates. Use them as a skeleton for your reports, but elaborate to tell a story about that child’s approach to tasks. Scores can always be imported into a template, but your reports will be more useful to people if you supplement with qualitative information. And for the love of Pete/Phil/Patty, don’t use the wrong kid’s name over and over, like Frau Psychologist. Dead giveaway for over-reliance on templates.

The Softer Side of Sears.

After last week’s delightfully sad post on telling a parent her daughter has mental retardation, I think we (I) need a more lighthearted post today. You know, exploring the softer side of Sears or whatever. I should warn: This post will not interest 12% of readers.*

I am going to talk about the world of school psychology fashion. It’s a topic that I feel I need to address. Why? Let me tell you a little story. And by “little” I mean really long story.

When I was an intern school psychologist in San Francisco, I was all of 23 years old. I was living in a house with 5 roommates and 5 different closets to "shop" from. It was a fantabulous time and I had a fantabulous wardrobe. Now, we have already established that I accidentally used to dress like a gangsta at school. I made many mistakes that first year. But I never told you all about my very first evaluation. It was surreal on many, many levels.

My supervisor from UC Berkeley came to my school to meet up with me and my intern supervisor to evaluate my performance on 8 hojillion criteria. We all crammed into my little janitor’s closet and began with the checklist. Gets along with colleages? Check. Knowledgeable about assessment and counseling? Check. Good boundaries? Check minus.** Able to deal with a crisis? And I kid you not, at that exact moment, the Principal got on the loud speaker and said, “This IS a lock down. Initiate lock down procedures.” This was our 8th or 9th lockdown that semester (bomb threats, primarily) , so mid sentence I said, “Excuse me ladies” and put up the “Green Light” sign meaning no one was injured in this room and asked everyone to move away from the window. Then said, “carry on.”***

My supervisor from Berkeley was a little rattled, I think, but we got back to the checklist. Professional? Check minus. Wait, WHAT? I was totally professional! Did they not just see my calm in the storm performance? What was that about? My intern supervisor, who was fabulous and totally spot on, cautiously said, “Um, sometimes your pants are a bit too tight for a middle school.”

Mort. ti. fied.

I look down at my pants and they were not THAT tight. I don’t want to give the impression that I dressed like Olivia Newton John at the end of Grease. They were totally normal pants. My supervisor continued, “It’s not that they are too tight for the normal world, it’s just for middle school you have to be a bit more conservative. I’d avoid skirts as well.”

At the time, I thought, “whatever, my pants are fine, I don’t want dress like a schoolmarm.” But the perfectionist in me did not like my check tarnished by a minus, so I started shopping at (wait for it) Ann Taylor. Yes, at age 23. Why didn’t I just go straight to SEARS? It was so sad.

I told you this was a long story. The men who tried to prove me wrong about interest level are long gone.

Fast forward a few years. I found this great skirt by Theory on consignment for $10. Ten dollars! It was a simple, black pencil skirt. So classy. So I wore it to my middle school (of course, with tights and a frumpy cardigan to disguise any femininity.) And as I left the building at the end of the day, I heard an 8th grade yoot yell from the second floor window down to me: “I’M HOT FOR TEACHER!” Oh dear. Another added, “I’D HIT DAT!” Make it stop. The cat calls continued, from the ambiguous source and I cursed myself for not listening to my supervisor. Minoo, wherever you are, you were totally right.

Now I fear I have gone to the extreme. I sometimes dress like I’m the second sister wife in Big Love. I actually have an ankle length jean skirt. My husband threw it away recently because it really was horrifying for all involved.


(I'm the second from the right, in aforementioned jean skirt)

In my next life, I’m designing a line of clothes for school psychologists that are professional, attractive, but not too attractive. And now that I have written this all too important post about fashion, I feel like I have just told the blogosphere that I’m all that and can't possibly hide my hotness unless I'm in a jean skirt. I’m really not. I just happen to work in a teenage hormone fest.

Maybe I should start shopping at (shudder) Sears.

*I recently took a gander at the demographics of the Facebook Fan Page (what can I say, I love me some data), and it turns out that 88% of fans are female. Quelle surprise. I bet that matches the demographics in the schools.
**I needed some. I had a hero complex at the time. It’s in remission.
***It was one of my students on campus with a gun. Neat.

Awkward Conversation #249: Telling a Parent Her Teenager Has Mental Retardation

It never really gets easier. I get better at my schpeal, but telling a parent their child tested in the retarded range is never easy. It can lead to some very awkward and emotional moments, especially when a parent is getting the news for the first time and the child is FOURTEEN years old. I present to you, Awkward Conversation #249 (get a fresh cup of coffee, it’s a long one...)

Scene: Parent’s home (this parent refused to come to a school meeting, as every school meeting for the past, oh 8 years, has been people telling her that her daughter is behind, acting out, and in trouble). Blaring in the background is Jerry Springer-esque show, where every other word is bleeped out. We’re not going to turn that down, just to add to the awkwardness of having to yell the words, “Mental Retardation.” Good times.

Me: Thank you for allowing us in your home today. I look forward to sharing how Julia learns best and developing a school program that works for her. Before we start, how do you think things are going at school for her? (Knowing full well things are NOT going well. She wanders around the class and yells at teachers every day and is currently suspended).

Mom: I think she just needs tutoring.

Me: Hm…okay, so you are concerned about her academics (BTW, she tested in at the 2nd grade level in reading, math, and writing and she’s a 7th grader).

Mom: Mmm.

Jerry Springer Guest (in background): You think my baby mama gonna BLEEEEP BLEEEP BLEEEP BLEEEEEEEEEP

Me: Right. So let’s have a look at some of the possible reasons why Julia may be struggling academically. I tested her on how she solves brand new problems. This is a test that she can’t study for, as it is a set of new problems, both verbal and visual. (Read: IQ test). I give her very little help in solving them, and it is a good way to measure her thinking skills.

Mom:

Me: Okay. So here is a chart of where most students score. If she were just the same as her peers, she would fall here (points to average range). On both visual and verbal problem-solving, Julia scored here (points to 70—cut off for mental retardation). For example, when I asked her how a banana, apple and orange are alike, she said, “pear.” That’s not quite…erm…it’s related to what I said, but she misses the main point, that they are all fruits. Do you ever notice that sometimes she has difficulties expressing herself to you, or when telling you a story?

Mom: (Noncommittal grunt)

Me: Um. Okay. So you can imagine in the class, where she is currently learning about the Mayan empire, she might have a hard time making connections on her own without help. In head: Not to mention she can’t read the 7th grade text at all. She also might start to wander the class and get angry and yell, because most teenagers would rather look dumb than stupid.

Jerry Springer Guest (in background): BLEEEEPidy BLEEEPin’ BLEEEP!

Me: May I ask if this sounds like Julia? Am I describing her accurately?

Mom: (Stony silence).

Me: (In head: Is she getting this? Is it sinking in where I’m going with this?). I know this must be difficult to hear.

Mom: Not really.

Me: Um…erm..so what are your thoughts so far?

Mom: I think she needs tutoring. I’m not into labels. A student can get special education without being labeled.

Me: While tutoring is a good option, we also want to make sure that Julia’s teachers really understand her, and that she struggles so much with her thinking skills on her own. She can learn, but she requires a lot of support, repetition, and presentation of the material in simple ways. I don’t like labels either, but if they get her better services, then we should think about what is best for Julia. Without a label, you will continue to get calls every day and Julia will likely be misunderstood by her teachers and blamed for things she can’t help. Okay, self, time to just spit it out. She qualifies as mentally retarded. Here goes my “13 Doors Schpeal”.

Um, when we think about special education, we think of 13 “doors” into the program. Each “door” is a disability and with each disability there is a program. (To spare you all, I then go into the process of elimination of doors---not learning disability, not physical disability, not emotional disability—until we reach the “door” that in our district is called Mental Retardation)*

DEEP BREATH.

Ms. Parent, I’m going to use a term that is often kind of hard to hear, but I would be doing Julia a disservice if I didn’t use a term that we can all understand. Knowing what is causing her academic difficulties is the first step to giving her what she needs. The only “door” to services that is left is Mental Retardation. Now, there are several kinds of Mental Retardation. Julia is not in the severe range (points to bottom of chart), so we would not put her in a class with students who cannot take care of themselves, have physical challenges, or are learning only basic life skills. Julia has mild mental retardation (points to 70 on chart) and she has some typical life skills, so she would be in a class that would give her practical academic skills, like making change at the store, and reading and writing in the real world.**

Family Feud Guest (blaring in background): The Movies! Teenagers make out at the Movies! Buuuuuzzzzzz.

Mom: (Mumbles) Lover’s Lane.

Me: Excuse me? (Oh dear she is answering the Family Feud game). Right. So this must be difficult to hear that Julia has mild mental retardation, but the good news is we can find her a classroom where her needs can be met. Does this information surprise you? What are your thoughts?

Mom: I’m not surprised. Oh, and we’re probably moving out of the district next month.

End Scene

I don’t know how things will go for Julia in her new district. I know that I did my best to make it clear that Julia will not be able to keep up in a general education class, and that our meeting documents (the famous “IEP” which is an “Individualized Education Plan”) would carry over to anywhere in the country. I just hope she gets a seasoned teacher who understands that Julia's “defiance” is a largely a defensive avoidant behavior. I hope she gets to experience success. And I hope that there aren’t a bunch of “Julias” out there who could have been getting early intervention services for 8 years had there been a more concerted effort to have the school psychologist have a look at why she continually acted out.

We will return to our regularly scheduled Tomfoolery and funny stories next week. Promise.

*Some districts say “Cognitive Impairment” some “Developmental Disability” and some “Mental Retardation.” I don’t know if one term is better over another. The only benefit I can see of calling it Mental Retardation is that parents know what you are talking about. I have had parents who never really understand that Cognitive Impairment is really MR until their kid is in late middle or high school. Again, sometimes I get to break that news, and usually the reaction is, “Why didn’t someone tell me this earlier?” There is another school of thought that saying MR is not PC.

**And because of No Child Left Behind, some outrageous Algebra goal.