The First Two Days Back In Public School: By The Numbers

Number of Icebreakers: 7,000
Number of Schools Assigned to Me: 3
Number of Days in Working Public School Per Week: 3
Ratio of School Psychologist (Me!) to Students: 1:350
Number of Dead Rodents Discovered at School: 1
Number of Janitors Available to Help Clean Up Dead Rodent: 0
Number of Times I Gagged Trying to Dispose of Carcass: 47*
Number of 7th Graders Who Are Now Taller Than Me: 35
Number of Crying Children Sent to My Office: 2
Number of Times I Couldn’t Communicate Effectively in Spanish: Cinco
Number of Times I Could: Cinco
Number of Students Asking to be in The Talent Group Again: All of Them
Ratio of School Psychologist to Ants in Office: 1:350
Number of Ants Squished: 50
Number of Kids that Make it All Worth It: Infinite

*48. Just gagged again thinking about it.