I Need More than Inspirational Poster of Woman Scaling a Mountain.

As many of you know, I recently made a person. One of the things that I didn’t expect about pregnancy is that even after having a baby, I would still look pregnant for many months. I thought that maybe after 3 months post-partum, I’d be back to my normal shape. Ooooohhhhh no. When Baby B was 3 months old, I decided it was time to do something about it. I was determined. I took the advice of this mommy in my mommies group to try out The Dailey Method. For those of you not familiar, it is basically a core focused class that seemed to me to be like if pilates and ballet had a baby. Women I know have sworn it is the best workout on the planet. So I decided to try it out. I was fairly confident I could handle it, as I worked out my entire pregnancy, 3 days a week, before work. I know! Ridiculous.

I arrived to find my mommy group friend had picked the same class to attend. Hurrah! We would be fit yummy mummies together! The instructor was a perky lady with perfect hair and she welcomed me to the class. I mentioned it was my first workout after having my baby and she exclaimed gleefully, “Ooh! I just had a baby too!” This women looked like a fitness model, so I figured she had a baby a while ago. Turns out our babies were the same age. I hated her. But then again, maybe it was a good sign that she had rock hard abs already. It did make me feel like a 400 lb Schlumpelufagus though. And as I looked around the room, it seemed like I was the only one who wasn’t modeling professionally for Lululemon athletic wear.

Anyhoo, needless to say, the class was a disaster. Everyone knew what they were doing and I was desperately trying to keep up. The instructor just kept yelling out things I didn’t know how to do or could no longer do—“Tip your hips! Tips your hips! Bend! Squeeze! Lift!” I ended up doing this awkward thrusting gyrating movement in an effort to tip my hips. It was not cute. There were no modifications for someone with a jelly core. I peered over at my mommy friend, sure I would find a kindred Schlumpelufagus, and the woman was doing the full splits like it wasn’t hard at all. I started to tear up a little. I couldn’t do anything right. I felt everyone was pitying me. The instructor was moving so fast, I couldn’t get any help. It was the longest class of my life.

After the class, the instructor said, “You did such a good job!” and I felt like she was lying to me. She asked how it was for me and I welled up with tears. I sniffled, “I feel weak—physically and mentally--like a weak person.” I told her I couldn’t keep up and didn’t know how to do what she was asking. It was too fast paced. She was genuinely surprised. Then, I was annoyed at her. How could she not see me floundering around like a dying fish on the floor for an hour? I left. I got an email later with an apology that I had a bad experience, offering me a free class to try again. That was 3 months ago and I haven’t stepped foot in that place again.

I can totally see why some kids with learning difficulties give up easily. It is so hard to be the one left behind, the one who doesn’t get it, the one who feels dumb for not getting it. And it's not like my success in life depends on fitting in my pre-preggers jeans, whereas learning to read is pretty fundamental. As a school psychologist, I give the persistence speech all the time. I always say that the brain is like a muscle and you have to keep working it! I tell kids a mixture of mistakes and success is how you learn! And with older kids, I tell them the research on persistence and grit—that it may be a better predictor of success and high grades than IQ scores. Persistence is, after all, one of the “success attributes” for students with disabilities. However, after my experience, which is a fraction of the cumulative effects of struggling to learn, I wonder now if I should start with empathy about how hard it must be and THEN moved to the persistence speech.

So I’m thinking that I should walk the walk, show persistence, and get my jelly core back to the class. I have been slowly working on my core in the privacy of my own home (Baby B and I both do Tummy Time together—she works on pushing up and I do push ups. Then we both face plant on the floor and cry). I’m feeling a little stronger physically. It will just take the mental strength to go back to the place of shame, where I cried in public because I didn’t know how to tip my hips and was too weak to participate in most of the moves. It would just be so much easier to avoid it. If only I had a school psychologist I could go to, who could encourage me to persevere. She would tell me I will get better with each class. And maybe, just maybe, she would tell me this with a backdrop of a poster of a woman climbing a mountain or something inspirational, and I would believe her.

My One-Woman Fight to Call It Something Else.

It’s back to school “professional development” time! In my district, we call them “PD Days” and in my mind, every time, I call them P. Diddy Days because if you say PD Days fast, that’s what it sounds like. I only wish we were learning how to be the richest figures in hip hop. That would be entertaining. You see, after 10 years in the profession, I have to say, I typically am disappointed in professional development activities. I usually pull out a few gems here and there, but it is rare to have a P. Diddy Day totally rock my educational and psychological world with new ideas.



UNTIL… (anticipation builds)



I went to the Ross Greene Collaborative Problem Solving (CPS)* conference, which is a model for understanding and helping kids with social, emotional, and behavioral challenges. Ross Greene, for those who don’t know, is a psychologist who has written the books The Explosive Child and Lost at School and developed a non-profit organization called Lives in the Balance. The website (and the book Lost at School) are both excellent resources that can explain the model far better than I can. But let me give you the gist:



• Kids do well if they can. If they are not doing well, the traditional framework is that they are not motivated to do well, and we as educators and psychologists need to find the proper rewards and consequences to motivate them. Sounds a lot like every behavior support plan I’ve written—we usually frame the behavior as resulting from the kid getting something or getting out of something. This is faulty reasoning because doing well is always preferable to not doing well. I mean, why would a kid really be motivated to do poorly?



• Challenging behavior in kids is best understood as the result of lagging cognitive skills (in the general domains of flexibility/adaptability, frustration tolerance, and problem solving) rather than as the result of low motivation or passive, permissive, and non-contingent parenting. The best way to reduce challenging episodes is by collaboratively solving the problem, rather than imposing adult will. This helps explain why we have what one of my administrator calls “frequent flyers” to the office for discipline referrals. If imposing adult will (e.g. rewards and punishments) was going to work with challenging kids, then why is the kid being sent to the office every day? We are doing the same thing over and over, and not teaching the kid the problem-solving skills to change his or her challenging behavior.



• Imposing adult will or trying to correct the behavior through rewards and punishments is considered “Plan A.” It is the predominant model in most schools, and the model we were probably all trained on in doing functional behavioral analysis and behavior support plans. But if we continue to try to solve the behavior problem unilaterally, we will continue to see the same poor results.



• In Collaborative Problem Solving, we move toward a collaborative endeavor with the student to solve the problem(s) in a model called “Plan B.” Plan B starts with the understanding that problem behavior comes from lagging skills, not lagging motivation. The book and the website (especially the great little video models) goes into the components of Plan B in depth, and in your free time, I highly suggest you check them out. In essence, you go through a few stages with the child—empathy, defining the problem, and inviting the child to come up with a collaborative solution.



Since going to the conference on Co-Pro-So*, I have totally changed the way I consult about and frame discussions about kids with challenging behaviors. I have changed the way I interact with students. Here’s just one example of a technique that I got from the conference, called “tabling.” It is used in the Plan B “Empathy” step, to really try to understand the student’s perspective of the unsolved problem. In the case of my student, it was a middle school girl who refused to write during journal time. We had set up a behavior plan in which she got points for doing the journal and the points were tallied and sent home to parents, etc etc, and there was no change in her behavior. After the conference and my new framework for understanding the problem, I interviewed her:



Me: I notice that during journal time, you are not writing. What’s up? I’m not mad, I’m just noticing this.



Girl: I don’t know.



Me: Hm. What do you think is the reason if you had to guess?



Girl: I don’t have pencils.



Me: Great! So lets say your teacher went to Office Depot and got you tons of pencils. Then would you write during journal time? [note: here is the “tabling” part—you table their first reason, because its usually not the only thing going on]



Girl: No.



Me: What else is getting in your way of writing?



Girl: It’s too noisy because my friends distract me.



Me: Okay, great! So lets say you have all your pencils and all your friends are absent from school one day. Then would you write? [table each idea]



Girl: No.



Me: Okay, what else is keeping you from writing?



Girl: I don’t like it [okay, this went on and on for about 10 minutes, and we tabled other ideas too, like she doesn’t like writing fiction, she doesn’t have paper, the room is too hot…and so on and so on. We finally got to the “aha!” moment at the end]



Me: Okay, so lets say you had pencils and paper, all your friends have the flu, you get to write non-fiction, and the room is 68 degrees, then would you write at journal time?



Girl: No, because the teacher has us read what we wrote out loud and my heart starts to beat fast and I think everyone is looking at me and that they all are thinking I’m a bad writer.



AHA. So if we had continued down our current theory that she had a lack of motivation, she would have likely continued to balk at writing, because it wasn’t a motivation issue at all. It was a performance anxiety issue, and the lagging skill was her actual writing skills, or she wasn’t confident in her writing skills, or she was not able to regulate her anxiety about presenting her work. This changes the intervention, right? We teach writing skills and coping skills for anxiety.



This is why I heart Co-Pro-So. I swear, if you have the chance, go to the trainings. If you don’t, then go to the website and learn more. It may not change your life as a school psychologist, teacher, or parent working with a student with challenging behavior, but it may just be another great tool to have fresh in your mind as you begin another school year.



Oh, and have fun at your P. Diddies this week. Do post what you’ve learned on the NFtSP Facey Face Page for all to enjoy!





*Herein lies my only issue with the model. I hate that the shortened version of it is called “CPS” because it reminds me of Child Protective Services. Therefore, I am on the one woman fight to get Ross Greene and others to call Collaborative Problem Solving “Co- Pro- So” Instead. It sounds like a trendy neighborhood in New York. Please start referring to it as such. Join my one-woman fight.

They're Baaaaaaack!

Today is the first day back to school. I woke up ridiculously early, with excitement (nervousness?) to go to my schools and see all my kiddos. The FDOS is always so chaotic and fun for me. Of course, I get to hold kindergartner's hands, sooth the cryers (moms, I'm looking at you!), see my 6th graders from last year now towering over me in height from just one summer's growth, and see all the teachers all nice and fresh and ready to change the world. Here I go.

But not everyone experiences an easy, breezy, beautiful cover girl FDOS. Some kids have difficulties transitioning back into the groove of things, including the homework ritual. So, without further ado, parents, here are some tips for back-to-school homework challenges. Teachers and school psychs, if you have others, do share!

Elementary (K-5):

1) Ensure the homework workload is appropriate. In general, students should be working on 10 minutes of homework per grade level. For example, a 1st grader should have about 10 minutes of homework, a second grader should have about 20 minutes of homework, and so forth. This does not include shared book reading time, which is often about 30 minutes or more a night. If your child is spending more time on homework than this general rule of thumb, have a conversation with the teacher about the level of difficulty or workload. Tell the teacher how long it takes your child to do the work and then ask the teacher if that is typical. It is good feedback for the teacher if skills are not automatic for your child, then s/he knows what concepts to re-teach. Homework is designed to reinforce concepts, not teach new ones for the child to struggle with at home.

2) Develop a homework routine. Provide a consistent workspace and time for homework. Have a discussion with your child about when and where s/he will be able to focus best. Some children need to be sitting with parents or siblings to get help on homework, and some children prefer to do it in their rooms in an area free of distraction. In general, homework should be done before dinner time, but there is flexibility in when they should start. Some children are still in "school mode" and like to get it done right away, some need exercise or a snack first.

3) If you child complains about homework, consider developing an incentive system. Some children are motivated by a sense of completion or getting a grade back on homework, while others are not. You can set up a simple incentive system together, such as allowing a fun activity after homework is completed. This is called the "Premack Principle": First you do X, then you get Y. This is often sufficient to spark your child into action. Some children show more resistance, and benefit from a more elaborate system, such as earning points for doing their homework, earning bonus points for not complaining about homework, and so forth. These points are then redeemed for rewards that the family decides upon together. To prevent sibling rivalry, use the incentive system will all family members, even if the other sibling is doing his/her homework without any issues. It never hurts to reward good homework habits.

4) Do not accidently step over your bounds and end up doing your child's homework for him or her, for the sake of getting it done. It is better to leave items undone with a note to the teacher saying that your child did not understand the concept than to give the answer to your child. Giving the answer deprives your child's teacher of needed feedback to tailor instruction to your child's needs.

5) Check your own attitudes about homework. If you didn't like homework when you were younger, chances are you may implicitly impart this message to your child. The messages you send about homework can be subtle. If you say, "Just get it done/over with" or "I know it's just busy work", you send that message to your child that homework does not have value. Instead, emphasize that homework is a way to share with you all the interesting things they have learned in school, and teaches good work habits. Praise the process, not the outcome. "I like how hard you are working on your math facts" or "Look at you working through that tricky question and not giving up!" sends a message that learning is a process, not a product.

6) Acknowledge and address difficulties if homework becomes a nightly struggle. Tell your child that you can see that homework is frustrating for him/her and resolve to figure it out together. You may need to enlist the support of your child's teacher, or the school psychologist. School sites often have student success teams in which key stakeholders get together and problem solve academic difficulties and put interventions and supports in place. Sometimes, there are after school tutoring programs, modified assignments, or additional community resources that can be tapped into to help your child.

Secondary School: Middle & High (6-12th grade)

In addition to all of tips above, there are a few special considerations for students in secondary school:

1) Parents should think of their role as changing from the elementary years as a "Homework Manager" to the adolescent years as a "Homework Facilitator." Chances are, if your child developed good homework habits in elementary school, they will continue into the secondary grades. Offer yourself as a support or resource if they get stuck on assignments, and check in periodically to make sure that they are feeling competent in their homework. If the first progress report of the year comes back with low homework grades, then you can have a discussion with your child about changes that need to be made in your role.

2) If your child struggled with homework in elementary school, chances are they may experience more challenges in middle and high school because they will have more teachers and subjects to juggle. In this case, you may need to have a conversation with your child that you would like to support them in making homework an easier and more fun process for them and brainstorm supports. Again, you may be looking at incentive systems as well as increased communication with teachers for the student who is not motivated by completion or grades alone.

3) It is important to impart the message that you are involved in their homework because you care. Teenagers often want to have a sense of control, and sometimes see parent monitoring as a negative trait, that they don't trust them or are trying to control them. Reinforce that you are involved because you want them to do well in school and feel proud of their work. Assure them that you will not need to manage their homework routines when they start showing responsibility.

4) If your child complains that they don't want to do homework, check to make sure that it is not because they can't do their homework, or they have difficulties writing down assignments, planning for long-term assignments, or remembering what to do. Often, adolescents would rather look defiant than incapable. Collaborate with your child's teachers in the areas they are resisting homework to make sure there isn't a larger problem underneath the resistance. Your school psychologist is another resource for better understanding your child's challenges and problem-solving interventions to support him/her.

5) Teenagers also need homework routines. They may be more involved in determining the time and location than in the elementary years. They may say that they have more energy to do homework at night, or they want to do homework with friends. As long as they are completing their work and going to bed at a reasonable time, this can be allowed. You can also let your teenager suffer the natural consequence of staying up super late--they will be tired and cranky the next day and may think twice about procrastinating in the future.

6) If you are finding yourself in a nightly battle over homework, and it is putting a strain on your relationship with your teenager, consider outside assistance. At times, there are peer tutors at the school who can work with students on homework. College students often offer tutoring and study skills assistance. Since many teens are socially motivated, working with an older peer on homework may be a good solution to removing yourself from the negative interaction.

And I'm off....get ready for the famous Kindergarten quotes of the day...

Finding the Proper Motivation

My dissertation was on adolescent motivation for school, and it has been read and enjoyed by ones of people. I was told when I graduated from UC Berkeley that every time someone downloaded my dissertation, I would get $1 in royalties. I have, to date, received $1.*

Because I am feeling generous today, I will give you the results for free, in one sentence. I will spare you the 118 beautiful pages of pure data and analysis that has riveted one reader to date.* Guess what?

Adolescents with positive relationships with their parents have better grades regardless if they are Mexican-American or White.**

Someone please, ALERT THE MEDIA about this.

I’m allowed to put the “dis” in my dissertation, because enough time has passed that I won’t take it personally that it could have been published in the Journal of Duh. But what I will say is that the results do influence my beliefs about my students. Sometimes, we think of adolescents as more influenced by their peers, but I’m here to tell you that even your most snarly disgruntled moody teen still wants his or her parents’ approval. I do this activity with adolescents where I give them a survey of things that might motivate them to do well in school. I swear, the number one “reward” or "motivator" they pick, no matter what age they are, is a positive call home to parents.

I know! So cheap! So easy! Why don’t we educators do this more often? It makes the kid feel good, and if you can manage to block the school’s number (so the parent picks up), and you can manage not to get hung up on when you say, “This is so-and-so from your son’s school…” (because they think their kid did something bad), it really works. Go on, give it a whirl this week.

And if you need more ideas for what makes a kid tick, try my fancy, non-researched-based, but helpful, Adolescent Motivation Survey with a kid and see how it goes.

Student: ____________________ Date: _________
Different students like different things. As your teacher/counselor, I hope to get to know you individually. This survey will help me understand what you like and don’t like about school, so I can work with you/your teachers to make school more enjoyable for you. There are no right or wrong answers, just complete the sentences with your ideas

1. In my free time, I like to….
2. If I had $5, I would buy…
3. The thing I like most about school is…
4. The thing I do not like about school is…
5. When my teachers pay attention to me…
6. When my classmates pay attention to me…
7. When I am frustrated, I like when teachers…
8. My favorite subject is…
9. My least favorite subject is…
10. I wish my teachers knew that…
11. After I finish my work, I like to…
12. When my teachers call my parents…
13. When I don’t want to do something in class, I…
14. You can tell when something is too hard for me because…
15. The behavior I am working on as a part of my IEP is…
16. The rewards I would like to earn are…

You might just be surprised at what you find. Last time I gave this, the kid had a Behavior Plan where the reward for doing his work was “praise from teacher” and he wrote “When my teachers pay attention to me….I hate it because my friends think I’m a teacher’s pet.” Not so rewarding. I guess it’s like giving black licorice as an incentive for increasing class participation.*** It could work for some people, some might find it absolutely vile and repugnant and not know why someone would think that nasty stuff would be consumable or desirable and thus would never raise their hand to participate. I think you know which category I’m in. Bleh.

*Thanks, Dad.
**My dissertation committee argued for a long time what to call the White kids. White? Euro-American? Caucasian? I didn't care. Call my people "Pigment Challenged" for all I care, just sign off on the thing so I can graduate already.
***NFTSP does not endorse candy motivators. Except when they really work.